Humor

Classic College Cinema

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With “sweater weather” on the horizon nothing is better (and cheaper) than skipping the movie theatre, inviting the significant other over to the dorm (within visitation hours of course), slightly burning a bag of popcorn and watching a movie. Whether you still stack DVDs to the ceiling or you are a total Netflicker, there are some classic films about “the four best years of your life” that every undergrad should go out of their way to watch. Here are a few of my “oldies but goodies.”

Animal House

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If you’re in a fraternity, then this is your Godfather. Though this is a film set in the 1960’s, many of the movie’s events are time honored college traditions; from the toga party to the random road trip. Fun fact; during filming, the actors portraying the Delta fraternity were encouraged to have rambunctious parities (resulting in a piano being stolen from the hotel lobby) to promote cast bonding. The Delta actors also harassed the actors portraying the Omega fraternity in order to fuel their onscreen rivalry.

 Best time to view: The beginning of pledge semester.


Roadtrip

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A cheating boyfriend on the east coast accidentally mails a videotape of his sexcapades to his girlfriend on the west coast. What is the logical next course of action? If you said getting your buddies together to go on a cross country excursion to intercept said tape while making a bunch of hilarious stops along the way, then this is the movie for you. When I came to college, this was one of the only DVDs I owned. Needless to say, it was viewed at great frequency. This movie is also proof that, at one time, Tom Green was actually funny.

Best time to view: Right before your weekend road trip to the party school one state over.


PCU

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This one is a little more obscure than the others on this list but it is an absolute cult classic. For many students, college is a time to take up a cause to be passionate and active about. PCU (Politically Correct University) humorously riffs on what happens when people take these causes a little too far.

Best time to view: Right before the silent, candlelight protest over the rising prices of chicken nuggets in the student union.


Revenge of the Nerds

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A quintessential 80’s movie, Revenge of the Nerds is a cautionary tale of what happens when you push people who are smarter than you too far. This film is pure fun as the war between jocks and nerds (before being a nerd was cool) spawns prank after hilarious prank.

Fun fact: Curtis Armstrong is the actor that provides to voice for the character “Snot” on the show American Dad. Snot is based upon a character from Revenge of the Nerds named “Booger”, also played by Armstrong.

Best time to view: After going pocket protector shopping.


Legally Blonde

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For the life of me, I can not remember which girlfriend talked me into seeing this; however I’m glad she did as this is easily the most inspirational film on the list. Underestimated by her jerk boyfriend, sorority president Elle, decides to one up him at his own game by gaining admittance in Harvard Law school. Despite starring the gorgeous Reese Wetherspoon and being hilarious, Legally Blonde carries the message that a girl can be beautiful, sociable and smart; excelling in one of the hardest collegiate program while being a master of the good old bend and snap.

Best time to view: When someone is telling you that “you can’t.

And The Band Plays On… (In Defense of Our Marching Warriors)

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Last year my school acquired the services of a local DJ to perform at the all of the home football games; a sacrilegious move in my eyes. No disrespect to all of the spin masters out there, but when it comes to college football, the marching band goes hand in hand with the barbecue grills at the tailgate and the cheerleaders on the sidelines. There’s just something about the triumphant  blares of the brass, the precision of the drum line, the impossible agility of the majorettes (Will she drop it? WILL SHE DROP IT??? She’s totally going to drop it. SHE DIDN’T DROP IT!!!) and the pageantry of the color guard that signifies tradition.

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I had a cup of coffee with my high school band, but in that year and a half, I can attest that being a functional part of a marching band is no simple task. While many people struggle to play an instrument sitting down, these mobile minstrels not only play, but do so while performing elaborate choreography. While the film American Pie portrays band camp as two weeks of adolescent sexual exploration, those who have actually gone through it would probably describe those 14 summer days as being closer to musical boot camp.

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The movie Drumline only scratches the surface of what marching bands mean to historically black colleges and universities. At many HBCUs, the marching band’s halftime routine is more anticipated than the game itself. To see the level of talent, showmanship and excitement these bands bring to the table, do yourself a favor and check out any of the footage from the Honda Battle of the Bands competition that’s on Youtube; it is truly stunning.

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 Also, it would be a crime to pen an article on college marching bands without mentioning the self proclaimed “Best Damn Band in the Land”at Ohio State University.  Through their choreography, this 192 member collective have formed moving cars (complete with a smokey exhaust pipe), bucking bulls, flying spaceships and even a moonwalking Michael Jackson during their halftime exhibitions. Once again, if you truly want to be amazed, look them up on Youtube.

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Last season, our rich friends invited us to their good seats on the 50 yard line, five rows up. Late in the third, the team called a time out and the band rose to their feet. With the sun majestically reflecting off the horn section, the trumpets launched into a familiar cadence. It was the opening bars of Kanye’s “All of the Lights”. The hair on my arms stood straight up; my body covered in goosebumps. I thought to myself, “This is going to be so awesome when the beat drops and the drumline comes in!”Well that beat never dropped as the DJ started up the “Humpty Dance”and played right over the band.

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In the name of two a day practices while wearing full uniforms in 90 degree summer heat, I beg of you, LET THE BAND PLAY!

 

How To Write a BAD Resume

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Nothing is more enthralling than writing up your first post college resume, right? ….Okay I am only joking about the thrills of the trade.  Let’s change things up a little by me sharing with you how to write a BAD resume in three easy steps.

Step 1. WRITE FAST.

You seriously want to be done with this horrible task as soon as possible.  Editing takes forever and you may have to find another person for a second opinion.  Human Resources will definitely know you were trying to say “shift” the 30 times you left out the f.

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Step 2. WRITE A LOT.

No need to be shy- the employer has all day to read over your resume.   You should flood them with useless achievements beginning with your youth t-ball team home run up until the award winning omelet you created this morning. The less relevant the achievements are to the job posting the better.  You want to stand out!

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Step 3. LIE. LIE. LIE.

This company doesn’t know you.  Embellish EVERYTHING! Odds are they are not going to actually cross check all credentials you list.

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Okay…READY? SET? GO!

*DISCLAIMER: Following any of this advice will almost guarantee you a spot in the “reject” pile for landing interviews. Only follow these steps if you would like to remain unemployed.

Not Your Typical College Movie

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Somehow, the subject of college doesn’t seem like it would translate well to a kid’s movie. Sure, college is great, but many activities that happen on campus aren’t exactly PG, especially those conducted by fraternities.

MONSTERS UNIVERSITY

However, Monsters University is yet another Pixar gem, a film that entertains both kids and older audiences alike. The film is not a sequel to 2001’s Monsters Inc. but a prequel, telling Mike and Sully’s story before they were friends. They enter school as enemies and rivals, but they must form an unlikely friendship in order to earn their degrees.

First and foremost, I loved the college setting, and I think that any current or former student can find humor in the jokes. The filmmakers nailed college life while still keeping it appropriate for kids. That said, the humor isn’t only targeted at a younger audience. It’s an ageless sort of humor, and I saw people of all ages in the theater. In fact, there were far more adults than children, and they were all laughing.

The voice cast is particularly excellent, with many of the main character’s remaining unchanged. The numerous newcomers are also excellent, including such big names as Helen Mirren, Alfred Molina, Charlie Day, Nathan Fillion, and Aubrey Plaza. This impeccable voice talent allows for some great gags that may not have been so amusing if not delivered by veteran actors. Plus, they all were cast perfectly––Charlie Day in particular.

True, Monsters University is not as innovative as its predecessor. It may lack some of the laughs and some of the surprises that made the first Monsters film so wonderful. But don’t get me wrong––it’s by no means a boring film. Monsters University is a cute, lighthearted way to return to school on your summer break, and I highly recommend it.

View the final Monser’s University trailer here. And go see the movie! You won’t regret it.

151 D.I.Y. Halloween Costumes: Easy, Fast, Cheap!

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It’s that time of year again: HALLOWEEN! If you’re anything like the typical college then I’m sure you’re on the lookout for fun and unique costumes on a budget. This year, we got our creative juices flowing and came up with 151 homemade costume ideas that you can easily throw together for the big Halloween party. We’ve provided directions for each idea, but strongly encourage you to think out of the box and use your own creativity to make these the best costumes ever!

Frosted Mini Wheat
Frosted Mini-Wheat

Use foam for this costume, cover it in brown felt, then use white spray paint to give it the “frosted” look.  Cut out the eyes and grin with black felt and hot glue to the brown felt. Glue an empty milk carton to a ball cap with some really thick looking white pipe cleaner coming out of the spout to look like milk is pouring out of the milk carton.
Load of Laundry

Take a tall laundry basket and cut a hole in the bottom that you can fit your body through.  Tie two pieces of string to the top of the basket to hold it up.  Fill the basket with laundry. Do not insert detergent.

Replacement Referee

Find a referee shirt, create one by applying black stripes to a white shirt, or vice-versa. Make sure you have a whistle around your neck. Final touch: paint your face like a clown. Touchdown!

Donald Trump

Wear a spiffy suit with a shiny tie, find an awfully unrealistic toupee like wig, and be a complete jerk to strangers. Talk as loud as you can with a deep voice. You will be surprised how much you look and sound like Donald Trump.

Dorito Taco

This costume is a great arts and crafts project!  You will need a lot of colorful foam (found at most arts and crafts stores) and a hot glue gun.  Start by cutting out a large red foam circle.  Then, cut strips of different colored foam and glue them on top of the circle.  When you are done gluing the foam strips, cut arm holes on each side of the circle.  Place your arm through the holes and wrap yourself up like a taco!

See all 151 costumes!